By Danny Schechter and Mikael Page
LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT: A FORM FOR PATRIOTS TIRED OF LIVING IN CONFLICT WITH THEIR OUTSPOKEN IDEALS OF PERSONAL FREEDOM
As many conservative activists (Teabaggers, Birthers, Dittoheads, Wannabe Rambos and Members of Congress from South Carolina) rail against government programs and Obama imposed “socialism,” hardly any have yet elected to return government benefits they receive or have already put in the bank.
This form letter may help them in this regard. After all, we are sure they agree that it is the height of hypocrisy to take benefits from institutions that you personally disapprove of, or are in conflict with your values and ideals.
NEW FORM: I LOVE THE USA #1
DECLARATION OF PERSONAL INDEPENDENCE FROM GOVERNMENT
To: The Administrator, Social Security Administration
Kathleen Sebelius, Secretary, Health and Human Services
and all other relevant government officials and departments.
I am a [(check one) () man () woman () other () FOX news employee] over the age of 65. I am (check one) () white.
In the spirit of the 9-12 movement and the vision promulgated by Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity and the Republican Party and its fellow travelers, I, the undersigned, hereby revoke all my current government benefits.
I hereby reject and repudiate my Medicare benefits and all other forms of Social Security. Despite my disabilities or the onset of various medical complications, my personal political philosophy dictates that I can no longer participate in what I consider an oppressive bureaucratic [(check one) () Socialist () Nazi () Fascist () Obamaist] system.
Furthermore, I shall be withdrawing all accounts from banks and other institutions that have received stimulus payments or TARP loans. I will withdraw my children from schools that receive government funding and I will, with all deliberate speed, reimburse federal, state and local governments for all benefits received in the course of my lifetime, including student or veterans loans, food stamps, tax rebates, and any all funds or benefits of any cash value. I will also cancel all mortgage deductions.
I base my decision on information I’ve gathered from [(check one) () cable news () my local bar () World Wrestling Federation () my friends and associates]. What’s more, I have skimmed legislation proposed by non-American President Barack Hussein Obama and his do-nothing-I-like Congress, and what I’ve read sounds like something straight out of [(check one) () Nazi Germany () Communist Russia/China/ North Korea/Canada () Terrorist Iran And All Those Other Countries () Sweden () New York City, especially Green Witch Village () all of the above].
Any monies gained from my reimbursements should ideally be put towards either paying down the national debt or invading China. If those initiatives are not feasible, please use the funds as you deem appropriate, with the exception of the following outstanding initiatives, as circled along with their reasoning:
(a) Economic stimulus: our free market Armageddon will correct itself
(b) Police & firefighters: much more effective if privatized
(c) Air traffic controllers: proven ineffective at keeping planes out of rivers
(d) ACORN: treasons too numerous to mention
(e) The Obamas’ wardrobe: they couldn’t look that good without taxpayer help
I find these to be grievous expenditures of taxpayer dollars, but then again, I also consider taxation a form of slavery, so technically all expenditures apply.
Thank you for your compliance with my request. If you would also, please forward this letter to all seniors who might be interested in joining with me, particularly [(check one) () Rupert Murdoch () Don Imus () Craig T. Nelson], as his public image may help garner widespread support for this patriotic initiative.
I will also stop using the Internet because I have learned that its development was funded initially with national defense funds, not Al Gore’s personal wealth. I am considering returning my driver’s license because the government should not be regulating my freedom to travel. Ditto for other public services or any and all so-called “options.” I reject all options.
We also oppose zip codes as a violation of our Constitutional rights to privacy. Telephones are also to be avoided because of secret government surveillance along with the UN and its black helicopters. Finally, get the government and the FDA out of the drug approval business; if you don’t trust it, don’t take it!
Thank you again, and burn in hell, you [(check one) () liar () Marxist () appropriate racial epithet].
Stronger, Less Civil, Message To Follow.
These Colors Do Not Run!
[insert name, address and social security number]
– News Dissector Danny Schechter edits Mediachannel.org and is just finishing a book and film about the financial crisis as a crime story. Mikael Page is a Globalvision intern. Comments to firstname.lastname@example.org