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Sex seemed to be on a lot of readers' minds this week, as you weighed in on Don Hazen's "Pornography and the End of Masculinity" and opined about the links -- or non-links -- between porno and war. In other news, and comments this past week, were Ahmadinejad at Columbia University, Bill O'Reilly's racial issues, and Dan Rather's lawsuit against CBS. Onward to the comments:
After reading "Liberal Denial: The Link Between Porno and War," reader goeswithness shared her own experiences watching porn and the differences she sees:
I'm a woman, and I look for porn on the net from time to time. I haven't run across things that overtly abuse women. For one thing, I'm cheap; for another, I wouldn't go for those buzz words that would get you there. So I don't know what all is there to be found along those lines.
[…]
I go to X-tube. The only thing I enjoy there are the masturbating men. Look in the comments section there - they're mainly congratulatory, friendly, complimentary. It's assumed (and it's true) that they guys are there because they wanted other people to watch them get off, so they filmed it. There are occasionally comments about "too much shaving," or "your dick is too small," but overall, there is no condemnation about him as a person because he's there. Then go to the videos featuring women and read those comments. First, there's the issue of agency - it's assumed that she's there because she's being paid to be and somebody else is the one who put the video up. And in most cases, it seems true that she's not the driving force behind her appearance, so that detracts from any "empowerment" argument. And then, there it is again, the language: "slut" "whore" "bitch". Even at the same site, there is a completely different attitude about the stuff featuring men and the stuff featuring women, and women aren't getting the good end of it.
So I'm not talking about something as serious as violence, but let me tell you, it's still destructive as all hell. It is harmful to relationships between men and women. I don't mind being with a guy who just enjoys sexual films and images from time to time, like I do, but I have a real problem with a guy who can't understand why it's a bad thing that even regular porn has that kind of attitude attached…
Porn doesn't have to be that way, but it is. Since the whole industry is about giving people what they want, I find it difficult to believe that men, as a whole, couldn't change it if they wanted. It was certainly men who came up with the cliches and framework of the industry, and it's men who can end it.
If it were REALLY just about sex, people together getting it on, it would be fine. But it's not. To ignore the layer of attitudes that have grown up around it, the pornography "culture" that, indeed, views women as unequal partners, agents, and human beings, is just lying to yourself.
Pornography isn't the only way in which women are objectified, as another article, "Feminism Vs. Fembots," showed, Reader Cruella foundd the whole thing a bit off:
Strange. I mean the idea that women could be somehow replaced by robots pre-supposed that we are trying to design a world for men. Some of us are trying to create a better world for people. The idea of sex-bots which perform sexual functions for either gender (or indeed sexual inclination) is already a fact of life with vibrators and other electronic toys. What other function would you want your fem-bot to perform? Loving you, caring about you, engaging in interesting conversation, being a companion for you, doing household or other work? Maybe what these people are looking for is a real life woman.
The whole fem-bot concept is just odd.
"Girls Gone Mild: Are Feminists and Prudes Rebelling Against Slut Chic?" looked at how feminism has changed over the years. One reader, Luther Blissett, offered some insight:
[…] The problem here is that the capitalist patriarchy has completely defeated feminism. The ideas that women can be anything and do anything they want and that men shouldn't control women's bodies were bullets fired at the patriarchy. But they've been deflected right back at women in the form of thongs for preteens, among the other things mentioned in the article--because looking and acting like a sex object that exists only to pleasure men is somehow "empowering" […]
In response to "Polygamy and Forced Sex in the Name of God,". reader aislinnluv explored isssues of coercion and consent:
The point is not whether or not polygamy is "natural" or "biblically correct". The point in this case is whether or not the girl was raped, and if so, was jeffs an accomplice to this act? in today's society, with the concept of "date rape", it is not unreasonable to accept that a rape has been committed when the female does not agree to the sex act, no matter whether her refusal comes ahead of or as the act is being committed. this child, for child she was, at 14, was not a willing participant in her marriage. she did not wish to engage in sex with this cousin and was told by jeffs that she must submit. anyone who is at all aware of how the teenage mind works, particularly young female teens, knows that a girl is often eager to please and will go along with what she is told to do even when she does not wish to do so. in this case she was coerced, threatened with eternal damnation if she did not comply with the marriage, first, and sex, second. she did not even like the cousin she was forced to marry. when people are denied free will to decide their own futures it is a crime. in this case is is abusive and though it may be an "ill-fitting suit", i believe the charge of accessory to rape is not outrageous.
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