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Kevin Federline accused Britney Spears of being one, Gerald Ford thought Bill Clinton was one (and Clinton has had counseling for it), British comedian Russell Brand just came out as one, and Halle Berry's ex-husband Eric Benet sought treatment for it. But who's really a sex addict, and does it matter?
Sex addiction can be a real problem, but it can also be a way to hide from responsibility for one's actions, while blaming sex and sexual expression for the ills of society, including your own behavior. That's too easy of a scapegoat. Michael Leahy, who claims that pornography "ruined his marriage," has now found a new career preaching his anti-porn gospel to college students. A recent article states:
"I cheated on my wife, I broke my kid's hearts, I lied pathologically for years," Leahy said. "I knew what it meant to say you're a sinner."
For this reason, Leahy said he feels the call to talk to students, because anywhere from 6 to 8 percent of them might be in the same position he was, and he wants them to know they are not alone.
"Sex is front and center in our world today," Leahy said. "What you feed grows and what you starve dies."
I'm not sure how Leahy goes from eluding responsibility to then blaming sex itself. He even coins the phrase "sex syndrome" to "describe weakness sometimes brought on by the hyper-sexed media and pornography." This is a dangerous, alarming, and problematic way of thinking which is insulting to men, reducing them to mere automatons ready to lap up any message sent to them, unable to separate fantasy from reality.
The confusion over the line between healthy sexuality and sex "addiction" is crystal clear from the Sexhelp.com Sex Addiction Screening Test (SAST). According to the site, it was "[d]eveloped in cooperation with hospitals, treatment programs, private therapists, and community groups, the SAST provides a profile of responses which help to discriminate between addictive and non-addictive behavior." Questions range from "Have you regularly purchased romantic novels or sexually explicit magazines?" and "Have you regularly engaged in sadomasochistic behavior?" to "Have you traded sex for money or gifts?" and ends with "Have you been paid for sex?" The 45 questions are all over the map, probing intense issues with yes or no answers as well as other relatively common activities which are cast in a negative tone by dint of their inclusion (watching porn, BDSM).
Let's take the ridiculously vague question, "Do you hide some of your sexual behaviors from others?" I'd bet that anyone answering honestly would say a big, fat yes to that one. Even those of us who are somewhat exhibitionistic likely do not tell everyone we meet how we last got laid. Or what about "Have you used the internet to make romantic or erotic connections with people online?" Who knew that online dating was a precursor to sex addiction?
As it turns out, I don't meet the criteria for sex addiction, but as a person who cares about the state of human sexuality, I'm appalled at the sex-negative tone of this supposedly scientific, doctor-approved quiz. (If you're curious, I answered "yes" to questions 3, 5, 28, 36, 37, and 39). If you're looking to label anyone who consumes sexual media, hasn't always been interested in monogamy, has done any form of sex work, or, at some point, might have found sex anything but perfect, then by all means, use this assessment. But sex addiction is not something that can be simply or easily codified. Someone might have sex with a different partner every week (or more frequently) and not be a sex addict, but simply someone who enjoys sexual variety. Likewise, if you're locked in your basement 24/7 and don't seek any other sexual outlet aside from pornography, you may be (but are not necessarily) a sex addict, even though you're celibate. But who's making these judgments? MSNBC's Brian Alexander rightly points out that the these questions are hopelessly vague, and could potentially snare anyone in their net, as well as the fact that sex addiction is not recognized in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders).
See more stories tagged with: sexuality, pornography, therapy, addiction, sex
Rachel Kramer Bussel is an author and editor of over a dozen erotic anthologies, most recently Hide and Seek and Crossdressing. She hosts In The Flesh Erotic Reading Series and is a former sex columnist for The Village Voice.
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