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Softening up, crashing, going down, failing to launch, losing firmness -- it seems sex and money, or at least libido and the economy, have more in common than language.
In "Sexual Recession" in Forbes this week, Dr. Ruth cautions that people anxious about diminishing investments or "looming pink slips should turn their attention to a side effect of the present economic tsunami: the way it's washing away the love lives of couples caught up in the rushing waters. Stress, depression and anxiety all wreak havoc on the libido."
She talks about one couple in which a man fears he'll lose his job, which is affecting his sense of manhood, and therefore his sexual desire. He didn't want to burden his wife with his problems, so didn't tell her about any of this. His wife interpreted his silence and lack of interest to mean he was having an affair. Dr. Ruth says there will be many such misunderstandings in this kind of economy, and many will lead to divorce, because without sex, relationships fail. She says the cures are good communication, and the French approach: "L'appetit vient en mangeant," which means, "your appetite comes as you eat." Basically, take your clothes off, get into bed together, and it'll all work out. Otherwise, the "failing financial systems will rob you of the profits of your relationships" too.
Laboring in 'Splitsville'
"Will the Market Kill Your Marriage" is Time's offering on the subject. "Recession and divorce, it is said, go together like carriage and horse." And those "who labor in Splitsville" have three theories as to why. "There's the lawyer theory, that money provides the soft fatty tissue that insulates the marital skeleton; once it's cut back and people get a good look at the guts of their relationship, they want out. And there's the marriage-counselor theory, that couples who were never quite on the same page in the checkbook finally get pushed off the ledger by endless bickering over their dwindling resources. And the therapist theory, that financial worries cause stress, stress can cause depression, and depression is a total connubial buzz kill." It also floats a few new theories: some lawyers say that as stock prices have plunged, they've received inquiries from business owners and investors "looking to unhitch now, with the idea that being poorer on paper will work to their advantage when dividing assets." Nice.
And one Cambridge University researcher has just done a study measuring the naturally occurring steroids in 17 British male traders over time and found high levels of testosterone during bull markets and of cortisol during volatility. "Cortisol helps the body deal with threatening situations. But prolonged exposure to it, as during a lengthy downturn, makes people irrationally fearful, so when confronted with neutral situations -- say, that their spouse would like the leaves raked -- they react as if threatened. In other words, men can get funny when they're losing money."
The Best/Worst One Night Stand
It's not just sex but love that gets less trade. This week, there's also a sad essay by Salon's Sarah Hepola in Nerve called "Up in Smoke: How the Financial Crisis Ruined my Love Life" about a one night stand she had with a transactional lawyer. In the morning, she had decided she would either marry this guy or never see him again. Three days later, with no phone call ("I have no qualms about calling men, but I had come to a place where it was simply more interesting for me to be pursued") she figured it was the latter.
See more stories tagged with: sex, marriage, economy, adultery, financial crisis
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