CIVIL LIBERTIES

GREAT MOMENTS IN HOMELAND SECURITY

RAY LEMOINE, LA TIMES - Arriving at New York's John F. Kennedy Airport
from Dubai recently, I was stopped at customs by an officer from the
Department of Homeland Security and directed to a drab backroom filled
with Arabs, South Asians and Africans. . . "Why did you infringe on the
Boston Celtics' copyright in Boston in 2003?" asked my case officer,
Malik â€" ironically a Pakistani â€" from behind his high desk.

Uh, because I used to sell T-shirts outside sporting events, I said,
wondering what this had to do with national security.

"You've got a long record," he said. Sure, for peddling "Yankees Suck"
T-shirts â€" sans permit, which isn't a crime but a code violation â€"
not for promoting "Bin Laden Rulz!" DVDs or the "Idiot's Guide to
Suicide Bombing."

"You know, we could have you sent up to Boston for the unresolved
T-shirt infractions," Malik said. "But what we're holding you for is an
NYPD bench warrant from 2004. You were in a fight with a parking
attendant, found not guilty and then missed a court date." All true. But
how and why does Homeland Security share the NYPD's jurisdiction in
cases unrelated to counterterrorism? A fight over a parking space hardly
counts as terrorism.

"We're calling NYPD to come to pick you up," Malik told me, without
asking a single question about Pakistan, terrorism, Islam or madrasas.

So I sat and waited. . . . As he closed out my paperwork, Malik asked,
"So, ah, Mr. LeMoine, why did you miss that court date anyway?" "I was
in Iraq." "Doing what? Like a contractor, soldier?" "No. I had
volunteered to run a humanitarian program for the Coalition Provisional
Authority but left when they started killing Westerners."

"Damn terrorists. Take care of that warrant. And welcome home."

Welcome home indeed.

http://prorev.com/2006/06/great-moments-in-homeland-security_27.htm