How the Grinch Stole Financial Aid

Dear Students for a Nonsensical Drug Policy,

Enough is enough.

You people have made my life, and the lives of other pro-Drug War members of Congress, a living hell. Just this year, your organization has:

- Forced me to further scale back the HEA Aid Elimination Penalty, making it easier for dope-head students to regain their financial aid.
- Duped Congress into cutting the budget for anti-drug ads in half.
- Followed the Drug Czar to drug testing summits, conning school administrators into abandoning plans to drug test their students' urine.
- Worked with the liberal media on articles in Capitol Hill newspapers attacking me for calling organizations like the United Methodist Church and the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence "drug legalization groups."
- Bamboozled the Supreme Court into ruling that high school students can discuss drug policy in school.
- Spread your "chapter" network like a disease throughout the U.S., recruiting thousands of students to work on campaigns to decriminalize marijuana, reform sentencing guidelines, and other efforts to turn our country into a haven of rampant drug abuse and sexual deviance.

And as you can see below, the legalizers will do anything to dupe you into giving them your money to sustain their activities, including writing stupid poems about anti-drug legislation that I've written. So whatever you do, don't donate to SSDP this year.

Do you really want to live in a society that allows people to put what they want into their own bodies without being punished for it? Do you want to live in a world where adults can walk into a store and buy marijuana (which, I'll have you know, is just as dangerous as crack)? Do you think we would be better off without mandatory minimum drug sentences, student drug testing, a ban on financial aid for students with drug convictions, paramilitary drug raids, and everything else that's keeping our fragile society from plummeting into the dark ages?

Of course not. So take a stand against SSDP and ensure that they are unable to be as frustratingly effective next year as they were this year by refusing to make a donation. The Drug War establishment depends on your inaction.

Sincerely,
Congressman Mark Souder
Indiana's Third District

Me flushing drug traffickers out of their subterranean hiding places.

[Disclaimer: Although this message was not actually written by Mark Souder, he did call SSDP "Students for a Nonsensical Drug Policy" in a recent podcast, and compared marijuana to crack cocaine in an interview on MSNBC.]

---------Original Message---------
From: Students for Sensible Drug Policy
Subject: How the Grinch Stole Financial Aid

How The Grinch Stole Financial Aid Every Who down in Who-ville Liked students a lot... But the Grinch, Who lived in Washington He did NOT! The Grinch hated students! Especially those who used drugs. He wanted them gone Stamped out like bed bugs! It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right. It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. But we think the most likely reason of all May have been that his heart was two sizes too small. But whatever the reason, His heart or his shoes, He stood there on Capitol Hill, hating the Whos, Hating their youth and hating their fun Wishing them gone, every last one! So that mean old Grinch began to plan and plot (As much as his tiny brain would allot). How could he throw the Whos out of schools? How could he get Congress to pass such a rule? And then it came to him! A brilliant plan! Financial aid to Whos who used drugs would be banned! He would slip his wretched rule into a benevolent bill So that the other Who-lawmakers wouldn't know until It had already passed... So that's what he did, He did it sneaky and fast. Nine years later, the Grinch law remains on the books. Meanwhile, Who-prisons house more drug users than crooks. And the number of Whos denied money for school? It totals more than two hundred thousand and two. This particular Grinch, whose friends call him Souder, Comes from a long line of Grinches hungry for power. The Grinch War on Drugs was always doomed to lose, But the Grinches know its real purpose: A War on the Whos! But the Grinch didn't count on a group of young Whos, Many whose friends had been hurt by this rule, Banding together, determined to fight back. Passion and determination were not what they lacked. But they did lack a small bit of necessary stuff, A thing which the Grinch had more than enough. At the end of each year, they need Who-cents and Who-dollars... So they give their best friends a little Who-holler.